Saturday, August 9, 2008
Here's me, in all my chubby glory, skipping up Pilot Butte.
I am vain, always have been. So posting a less-than-flattering picture of myself is harder for me than it might seem. I have pictures of me from 5 years ago, 40 pounds lighter, that actually look pretty good, and reflect a more positive self-image.
But I'm not going to post old pictures of the thinner me, because that's not what I look like any more. This picture shows me how I really am, right now.
I'm posting this in response to people who see my head shot and say "you don't look chubby!" and to people who see me in real life, dressed in flattering clothing like skirts and lycra that hide some of the chub. Sometimes they are mad, or feel betrayed, as if I've been fooling them. Like I'm not authentic or real, or fat enough to understand their diet and exercise struggles.
And sometimes thin people get funny when they talk about fat. They want to be careful, don't want to offend you or hurt your feelings. As if you don't know you're fat, and if anyone says it out loud, it makes it suddenly real. Like being fat is worse than cancer. Which it's not.
The thing is, I'm chubby now. Look at me, I'm fat. And I'm tired of it, since I've been "not fat" before, so I'm plugging along, doing my thing, working on my nutrition and exercise and balancing my stress load to get in better shape.
But being fat or being thin isn't my whole life. I don't have cancer, I've never had it, and I'm so happy to have a healthy body. I'm embracing my chub, since it's on my body right now, but I'm encouraging it to burn off into the atmosphere so I can run faster and look cuter in clothes. And live longer, since I like living.
The point of posting this picture? I really am fat, but I'm still having fun, still goofing off, still skipping up the butte. Amazing, but true.
And if I got hit by a car tomorrow, my kids would cherish this picture of their goofball mommy who wasn't too vain, after all, to let everyone see this silly picture her friend took of her skipping up the butte. Because this is me, their Chubby Mommy. They still love me, and so do a lot of other people, no matter what I look like.
Thought for the day to everyone struggling with body image: stop crying, and start skipping.