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Friday, May 22, 2009

All About Me: in which even my personal trainer tells me I'm self-absorbed

So, you know how I implied that Malibu Stacey was sort of mean and controlling and pushy and only gives half high fives if you accidentally "fake-lose" 5% of your body fat when you stop running and eat mostly cookies for a week, because she uses a new body fat measuring thingy, in that earlier post?

You knew I was lying, right?

Also, when I implied that she's all full of herself and mostly just wants to look good in pictures in case talent scouts from The Biggest Loser, or some other reality trainer show could be reading this blog and maybe they want to create an entirely new reality show all about Stacey and her hunky personal trainer/paramedic husband named Big Jonnie?

Also lying.

I mean, you know, the truth is, she's actually very nice. And she's smart, too. 

For instance, Malibu Stacey quickly figured out that I try to distract her from making me work hard at doing all her ridiculous exercises by telling her funny little jokes and stories. Yes, yes, most people figure this out, eventually.

So Smart Stacey started telling me her own funny little stories, to distract me, while I lifted the weights. And I gladly listened to them for a while, as I did more reps, that she pretended to count, even though I doubt she did.

The distracting me while I lift thing worked for a little bit, because even though I like to hear my own self talk, I do love a good story teller, and this girl is good.

But this week, Stacey sneakily upped the amount of weight on those fancy machines I've been using at Snap Fitness while I wasn't looking, and she just kept talking. And every time I started whining, she switched to another funny story.

She thought I wouldn't notice.

Julie: "My arms don't work."

Stacey: "Really?" she said. "Like, sore muscles?"

Julie: "No, like I really can't lift this thing. I mean, seriously."

Stacey: "Oh, sure you can, just do it, here, I'll get you started; nine anyway, my husband said,"

Julie: "No, wait, I'm serious, this is really hard! What's wrong with me? It's really hard this week. Maybe I'm sick or something? This is so weird. Do I have a fever?"

Stacey: "You're not even listening to my story. Seven more."

Julie: "I do want to hear all about Jonnie, believe me, I do...ow."

Stacey: "Five more. I see. As long as you're telling the story it's fine, but the minute I start talking, you have to change the subject..."

Julie: "No, (ow) I'm trying to listen, it's just that my arms aren't working,"

Stacey: "Three more. Is it always all about you?"

Julie: "Listen (ow!) maybe I'm just low on energy, I didn't sleep very well. This is so hard! I did it last week!"

Stacey: "Three more. Oh. I upped that another 20 pounds this week. Maybe that's why."

Julie: "What? You said three more last time! I'm dying here! Twenty more pounds? Ow."

Stacey: "Yes! Look how strong you are. Two more."

Julie: "OW!"

Stacey: (whispers) "Don't say ow! I have a new client over there waiting for you me. I don't want her to think this hurts, it's her first time!"

Julie: "Fine. Just lie to her."

Stacey: "You're done! Wow, good for you. High five!"

Julie: "As if. I can't lift my arm, Stacey."

Stacey: "Here we go again...all about you, you, you."

(By the way, this photo was taken by Lisa Flynn, of Whipper Snapper Studios, who saw Stacey bossing me around on Facebook and called her to ask if Stacey could boss her around too. If you want to work with Stacey at Snap Fitness, let us know, Snap may even give you a Chubby Mommy Running Club discount!)


stacey said...

Real Story:
Stacey: Good morning Julie!
Julie: Ow my arms hurt!
Stacey:We haven't even started yet?
Julie: I know they hurt thinking about it!
Stacey:Let's talk about you that always seems to distract you!
Julie:Good idea! Me-Me-Me-Me-Me, oh yeah and then Me, as she's blasting through her reps, Me Me
Stacey:Hey Julie Big Johnny got chosen for the Crook County Voulnteer Fire Dept
Julie: Ow, these really hurt can I stop?
Stacey:Tell me about your day
Julie: Me-Me-Me-Me (As she's blasting through her reps again!

juliejulie said...

Dear Stacey: you lie like a rug.
Love, Julie

Greg said...

Keep up the good masochism, Julie!
Keep up the good sadism, Stacey!

Those sore muscles are your reward... wait a sec, if that's the REWARD, what the heck are we all doing working out?

*scratches head*

Well, keep at it!

Jacqueline Newbold said...

Such a funny story. I wish someone would make me laugh through my weight lifting!

deb said...

Great Story!

Early in my work with my trainer, I complained that the weight was too heavy and I couldn't do it.

His line (one of my faves): Can't be too heavy, Deb. Your arms are still moving.

God I love that man.

erinlfelder said...

Laughing, laughing, laughing! I think my abs are getting tighter!!! Great post. I can definitely hear myself saying those exact words!

juliejulie said...

@erinfelder, we should make Malibu Stacey go golfing with us. Now that would be something. Also, maybe Big Jonnie could caddy?

Dogs by Bri said...

Good for you Julie,

Keep it up. It was great to see Jody the other day. It's always a nice surprise when she comes to town.

When are you guys coming to visit?


whippersnappers said...

Thanks for the photo-cred! (The little trick to battle the 10 lbs the camera adds works, doesn't it???)

By the way...ya know when Malibu Stacey does the "demo" reps, and she makes it looks so easy?? Here's a little story from my workout:

Stacey: See, you just pull this down like this, blah, blah, keep your back straight, blah, blah, and then you'll look like me!
Lisa: Alrighty, sounds easy enough.... Hey - this looked a lot easier when you were doing it.
Stacey: Yeah, that's because I wasn't lifting as much weight.
Lisa: What the ??

Yet, despite those sneaky little antics, I can't help but love her. And, I'm not just saying that because I'm afraid of what she'll do to me next week if she reads this. Really.

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