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Sunday, December 7, 2008

What a Croc- 1938Media's Shoes and how I wish I could be Jewish

Loren Feldman is a mensch. He runs a media company in New York and he does puppet shows online where he says bad words and makes fun of people and sometimes he's mean, mean, mean. But I think he's nice inside, because somehow he convinced Michelle Oshen to marry him, and she's nice and shops at Kmart.

Be warned, fair readers, if you go to Loren's 1938Media website to watch a puppet show. I've never seen a puppet cuss so much in my whole life. Loren acts all tough and stuff (not to be confused with Puffnstuff who's not really a puppet or a Muppet, he's just freakin' weird...oh dang it, now I'm cussing, which I never do, ever, except when I burn my hand on the stove, or the dog poops in my closet or I drop something, or I feel anger welling up inside me for various, assorted reasons.)

But Loren is a softie, I can just tell. I saw Loren's mom once when she was the star of one of his videos, and she would not raise a bad boy, I'm sure of it. I can almost hear her Jewish, New York Mother accent telling him to watch his mouth, even as I type this. I bet he calls her every week. I bet she's so proud of him, despite his potty mouth. I bet she thinks he's a genius and the handsomest man in the whole world.

I have a boy. I know how it is to be a doting mother, even though I'm not Jewish.

I often wish I was a Jewish Mother and lived in New York. It seems like a glamorous job in a glamorous place. Instead I'm a lapsed Lutheran living in Central Oregon. We don't even have a Kmart. And I've never had a real bagel, apparently.

But I just can't give up the clean air and easy life in the high desert. And I can't quite kick Christmas. What would I do with all my great decorations? I bet Jewish people don't have lovely hand painted porcelain Nativity Scenes they bought at Costco.

If you convert to Judaism, you probably have to donate your Nativity Scene to Goodwill or leave it on the steps of churches in the dead of night. Or take it to a hospital emergency room maybe, no questions asked.

Poor baby Jesus, wrapped in a Kleenex, handed off to a random nurse...I just can't do it. It might hurt his feelings.

But anyway, back to Loren and Michelle: nice Crocs! Thanks for sending me your shoes, and Mazal tov.


Deby said...

Cute post. You've got me smiling even after a rough day.

Little Things said...

"freakin'" is not a cuss word. You need to hang around me more, so you can learn some real bad words!

Oregon Gifts of Comfort and Joy said...

I know it's early, but that is the funniest thing I've heard all day:

... a lapsed Luthern living in Central Oregon without a Kmart.

Well, I guess things could be worse.

Love you,

Aunt Kathy

Julie Wright said...

That's a great post. Clever and fun. And I don't even know the potty-mouth puppetmaster of whom you write. I think I just started following him on Twitter. So, to return the favor @juliejulie, here is my fave potty mouth to follow:

@mia (She is often nominated in the #evil category in Shorty awards)

And, was there something about Crocs? I am anti-Croc, or at least in public. Crocs are appropriate for gardening or sliding on to take your dog out for a pee. Full stop.

juliejulie said...

Dear Julie Wright - I will most certainly follow @mia now! I agree Crocs are a bit ridiculous, which is why I thought it was so funny that Loren and Michelle sent me that picture. If you've seen them in their videos, you'll realize they are quite fashionable, actually. Perhaps they are so cool, in their New York Hipster way, that they can get away with wearing Crocs, while people like me, middle-aged chubby mommies, buy fake hot pink Crocs for $4.99 when they really.shouldn't. When Pierre chewed one up to bits, I wasn't so very dissapointed, actually. Thanks for reading!

heidi said...

Crocs are NOT shoes!!!

Nathan said...

All I can say is that it is good to be a mensch and I even admire Loren more that he found a mate that chooses not Hermes, nor Bottega Venata, but K-Mart.Yahoo for him.
Although, nothing beats the former two.