I'll be 42 soon. I heard 42 is the answer to life, the universe and everything. I was thinking by now I'd know some real answers. Maybe I do. Maybe they'll be hidden somewhere in this blog, like those hidden pictures we looked for in the Sunday Comics when we were kids, before we could read. So if you find any answers, please tell me.
Or maybe I don't know anything, really, and we'll just waste time together. My hidden talent is goofing off. Shhh...I'm supposed to be working. I'm "between jobs," actually. Told everyone I was taking two weeks off. It's stretched to three. I think I've got a new job coming up, though. I've been working on a proposal. Working hard on that. Working super hard on that thing.
About the Running Club: there isn't really a club. It's just me, myself and me, me, me (get used to it.) If I start a club, that means I have to show up for it, and I'll feel guilty if I just want to sleep in, or drink wine the night before. I have enough guilt already, I don't need more.
About being chubby: sometimes I am fat, and sometimes I am thin, but I keep running. Sometimes I run 5 times a week. Sometimes 1 time. Sometimes none. Sometimes I'm in great shape and I run a 10k. Sometimes I feel proud to run three blocks in a row without stopping. This has been going on for over 20 years. I think I'm a runner. I have the shoes for it.
Sometimes I love to run, sometimes I hate it. It's hard to run when you're fat, mostly because everything jiggles more, and if you push yourself too hard, your knees end up hurting, and you have to stop for awhile, which is a blessing and a curse. But I still do it.
It's almost fun to run when you're thin and in great shape. You feel so...healthy. Like your body is at your command, like every thing's working and you're in charge of yourself. But even then, I always know there will come a day when I'll want to sleep in, eat cookies, and goof off.
Here's the best thing that's happened to my running this year: My husband won an IPod Shuffle at Safeway a few months ago. He was the 500th customer that day, or something. I promptly claimed that Shuffle, he already had a real IPod. I made a fabulous "Chubby Mommy Running Mix" that consists of many fast-paced hits from the 70's and 80's, the decades of my youth.
So I like running a bit more now. I mean, really, listening to Queen sing "Fat Bottom Girls" when you're chugging up a hill...it can really keep a girl going. We make the rockin' world go 'round, man!
Here's what happened today with my running:
- Got up at 6:30, put on running clothes, but not shoes. It was cold, dark and rainy. I decided to run later, after kids got on the bus.
- Ironed children's shirts for picture day. I have a love/hate relationship with ironing, but I can't bear for future generations who see these school pictures to think I was a bad mom who didn't iron. It's all about me and my reputation, really.
- Spent three hours figuring out health insurance for family, which was a big, hairy deal, since our COBRA is $1200 a month and that's ridiculous. There was crying and cussing involved, on my part. Being self-employed means the rules change. I felt the stress welling up in me, I tell you.
- Decided I should run to feel better, but I had to take a hot bath first, since I was cold and it was raining, and even though running would warm me up, it'd be better to start warm, right?
- Put on new running clothes, but nearly had a heart attack when the old jog bra from 15 pounds ago didn't fit. Holy shit. I'd better get serious about exercise this week, no excuses.
- Fought off an anxiety attack about struggling to get that jog bra off. Had to stop, think strategically about the situation, and find a good solution. I won, and banished that bra, for now. Found a much more forgiving bra. Would a new bra be better? Vowed to lose weight, not buy bigger sizes.
- Husband was gone, I had to fight off the urge to get back into bed, read my book for book club, and take a nap. Watched 10 minutes of HGTV. Hmm...I should make a craft.
- Husband came home. I quickly switched channel to CNBC. Stock market crashed today. Easy come, easy go. Damn. I should get serious about getting a job. Husband went to work on our start-up company. I'm supposed to be helping him. I'm working hard on that. Super hard. Maybe Google will buy us. That'd be great.
- Went to find my running shoes. Sometimes they end up in the strangest places. Not sure how.
- Found them under my desk in my office. Thank goodness, because my office phone rang, and it was my friend Sarah, who wanted to go lunch. What a treat!
- Went to lunch, in my running clothes, with my long wool coat over the top (I was still cold.)
- Said no to wine at lunch, since I was going to go running right after.
- Lovely lunch. Talked about art. I realized I put on my clogs instead of my running shoes, in my haste to get to the restaurant. Oops, I'd have to go back home to get shoes.
- Came back home, researched art blogs for Sarah, who I convinced should start one for her business, and sent her many links and lots of info. I'm such a good friend.
- Checked on my husband. He was programming, not in the mood to talk. I'm just sure!Decided it was now or never, time to run. I was at the front door, looking at the shoes.
- Daughter #1 arrived home on the school bus.
- Made popcorn with her, and brainstormed a fun idea about starting a t-shirt business, and how she could write a blog about it.
- Drank lots of water, in preparation for run.
- Son came home on the school bus. He needed butter for the popcorn, he had a bad day. Some kid farted next to him on the bus. People may have thought it was him. The horror.
- Put healthy apples in the oven to bake. Said no to cookies, turning over a new leaf, jog bras don't lie.
- 5:30 p.m. Started drinking wine. Such a nice autumn day, cozy and warm, with cinnamin and apples and children and dogs. La la la la la. Might as well finish up that bottle of Zinfandel, it goes so well with apples.
- Daughter #2 went to friend's house, and was invited for sleep over, with a family we haven't met.
- Printed out Google map for husband, so he could take stuff to her, meet the parents.
- Decided to start a new blog, just for fun.
- Husband called, he's lost. Came home. Whatever! Someone has to meet these people who a taking care of our daughter tonight! Called my friend who is neighbors with them for reference. Friend not home. Felt stress starting to well up. Bad husband, getting lost, 2 miles from home. I'll have to drive over there myself. No more wine now. Damn.
- Why didn't I go running? Too much stress in me today! I'm so lame, so unlike those confident girls Queen sings about.
- Remembered apples. They melted in the oven. Had applesauce for dinner.
- Drove to daughter's sleepover. Got lost for half an hour in the dark. Found it, finally. Nice people, she'll be fine. I had to pretend I wasn't panicking, stressed, and irriated. I pretended I was super regular and not prone to getting lost in familar neighborhoods.
- Came home. Drank more wine, finished writing blog.
- It's dark and rainy, and 8:30 p.m. I'll run tomorrow, for sure.
And so it was, if it ever was.