The "Beep Beep Lady"

So, you might not know this, but it's true: there is a lady who talks to you on your phone if you try to leave a message that's just way...too...long. I call her the Beep Beep lady. I know her well.

Here's the thing: I think these new-fangled cell phones have created a wave of issues that we all have to deal with now. The biggest issue is that there is only so much time in a day, and apparently, not everyone you leave a message for wants to hear you prattle on and on and on forever, so they've figured out a way to cut you off.

And she is a robot, I think.

I don't remember this Beep Beep Lady being an issue for me back in 1988 when I was leaving long, drawn-out messages on people's tape recorder answering machines. Life was so simple back then. My friends would just call me back with exasperation in their voices saying things like "You used up half my tape! Just get to the point already!"

So, obviously, I'm not the only one who has this problem, because someone went to the trouble of creating a computerized system that cuts people off with a couple of beeps, and a nice lady's voice.

"They" have created the "Beep Beep Lady." After what seems like only 10 seconds (but is probably more like 60) she pipes in with "To replay to this message, press 1. To send this message now, press 2. To amend this message, press 3." Etc., etc., etc. She kind of goes on and on and on, actually.

What she really means is (say it in that computer lady voice with un-natural pauses, indicated by the commas) "Please, shut, up. Your message has exceeded the proper, and polite, time frame. The person you are calling, does not want to hear this long-winded message. Please, hang up, and try again, when you can consolidate your thoughts into, the proper, time frame. "

What she wishes she could say is (say it in the computer lady voice with un-natural pauses) "What, on earth, is the matter, with you? Don't you know, that voicemail systems, are meant to be used, for relaying quick, and easy-to-understand, messages. Not, for practicing, how your life-story, will sound, out loud."

I wish she were more friendly. Sometimes when she cuts me off in the middle of a good story, it almost makes me cry.